Empty Love Stories

Welcome to the strange and “wonderful” world of Empty Love Stories. It’s a world rife with irony and absurdity. A world where love, like the ocean, is beautiful, dangerous, and pretty funny, depending what side of the current you’re on. It was here that the Funny Valentine Press "empire" began back in 1998 -- and as we celebrate our tenth anniversary, we're offering a deal to bring Love to everyone!

Between now and December 1, 2008, anyone who orders three issues of Empty Love Stories will get the fourth issue ABSOLUTELY FREE! It's a great chance to start--and complete--your collection of this unique "romance comic." Just put three issues in your shopping cart (or send us a check or money order for three issues) and we'll include the remaining issue with your order! It's that simple!

Drawing from the look and feel of old romance comics, Empty Love Stories presents tales of the desperate measures people will take in the name of love. Each issue is a valentine wrapped in barbed wire that will make you laugh until you cringe. Join writer Steve Darnall and an armada of able artists—including Alex Ross, Jeff Smith, Colleen Doran, Mike Allred, Ty Templeton, Batton Lash, Mitch O’Connell and Rob Walton—for the romance comic that “twists the genre’s cliches until they whimper for mercy.”

Each 32-page issue of Empty Love Stories is $3.75 each (a price that includes shipping and handling) and may be purchased through our secure site or by sending a check or money order to Funny Valentine Press, P.O. Box 25734, Chicago, IL 60625--and remember, if you order any three of the four issues below between now and December 1, 2008, we'll throw in that fourth one ABSOLUTELY FREE!

It should be noted that while Empty Love Stories does not contain objectionable material (in other words, we don’t do blue), each book does contain irony and satire and, as such, is recommended for mature readers. To see any issue up close, click on the link next to the cover.

Empty Love Stories #1 (2nd printing)
$3.75
ELS-#1
This is where the Empty Love saga began, with a painted cover by once and future comics legend Alex Ross (Marvels, Kingdom Come, Uncle Sam, Superman: Peace on Earth) that, according to one reader, “defined a generation”—a thought that’s as bittersweet now as it was then. Inside, you’ll find tales of stalkers (“My Target”), zombies (“One of the Walking Dead”), and “White Trash Romance,” which confirms that true love does indeed travel on a gravel road. With art by Paul Fricke, Scott Beaderstadt, Hilary Barta, and Lenin Delsol.
Click here for a larger view of the cover

Empty Love Stories #2 (2nd printing)
$3.75
ELS-#2
The inevitable second issue features scary monsters (“Another World”), super creeps (“The Mind Game”), girlfriends in a coma (“The Quiet Type”) and the legendary ad for our bogus publication Cattle Romances. As an exclusive bonus attraction, ELS #2 features a salute to television’s late, great Mystery Science Theater 3000, as we speak with series creator Joel Hodgson and longtime Tom Servo Kevin Murphy! It’s all wrapped up in a bloody good (literally) cover by Mike Allred (Madman, X-Force), with interior art by Lenin Delsol, Tom Gianni, Rob Walton (Ragmop) and Greg Hyland (Lethargic Lad). What do you think, sirs?
Click here for a larger view of the cover

Empty Love Stories "Special"
$3.75
ELS-Special
Air quotes come to life with the third issue, which one reviewer called “the best issue so far.” We will confess to being very fond of our “clown in the moonlight” cover (courtesy of Batman Adventures artist Ty Templeton), but there’s also tales of “Love Behind Bars,” “Corrupting the Master Race” (in which we take a bold stand against prejudice, mostly by making fun of it), and “One Humiliating Incident After Another,” which promises an endless stream of embarrassment and heartache—and delivers big time! This issue also features “Jackie Barbour, The Easily Disappointed Advice Columnist” and, believe it or not (probably not), the Empty Love Action Figure! With art by Batton Lash (Supernatural Law), Steve Remen, and our old pals Lenin Delsol and Greg Hyland.
Click here for a larger view of the cover

Empty Love Stories: 1999
$3.75
ELS-1999
This issue begins with a rare non-Bone cover by Jeff Smith and ends with…well, with the end of the world. It also contains “Operation Love,” which might be our best-looking story ever, thanks to the breathtaking artwork of Colleen Doran (A Distant Soil). Elsewhere, you’ll find our ad for “Oh, Nice Going,” the heartbreaking “He Was a Stand-Up Comedian” and the just plain weird “Apolcalove.” Truly, the end was nigh…additional artwork by Mitch O’Connell, Greg Hyland, and Jen Sorensen.
Click here for a larger view of the cover

Funny Valentine Press, Inc.
P.O. Box 25734
Chicago, IL. 60625
Phone/Fax: 773-769-6575

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